Letting Go of Grudges

It's time to SHINE through the darkness of anger!

We have all been there. Someone or something hurts us and we cannot seem to let go of the anger. Why do we do this to ourselves? It doesn’t feel good to constantly be thinking of the pain. All it does is build more anger in our hearts. You can plot all you want. The truth is YOU ARE the one that is hurting. That person or thing that hurt you, hasn’t given it a second thought. How do we let go of something that hurts us so badly? Sometimes it takes time. Other times we just need to remind ourselves; our happiness is worth more.

Have you ever been in a job interview and been asked what are your weaknesses? We all hate to admit to ourselves our weaknesses. When we are asked in an interview we have one of three options:

1. Panic

2. Lie

3. Tell the Truth

Most of us will panic or lie.

The truth will set you free. ~John 8:32

My BIGGEST weakness is, my ability to hold a grudge. It is ridiculously hard for me to let things go. Sometimes I will dwell on them for months. Not weeks, MONTHS! It is absolute torture to my mind, body and soul. I see others around me letting stuff go so easily and I envy them. I didn’t always feel this way however. I used to think it was a strength I had to not forget. I thought by not forgetting what a person or thing has done to me, I could never get hurt again. My motto was, fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me three times awe HELL NO!

I prided myself on being the nicest mean person I ever met. Yes, you read that right. How can someone be the nicest and the meanest? That's simple, I was nice until you hurt me and then Princess Sarah became the Evil Queen Sarah. Just like the Evil Queen in the ABC show Once Upon a Time.

Any that have seen the show know; the Evil Queen is based off the tale of Snow White. The Queen casts this dark curse just to get her revenge on Snow White, for something she did as a small child. Later in the show the Evil Queen becomes no longer evil as she learns what was truly causing her pain. She learns to forgive her past and let go of her anger. She later becomes friends with Snow White.

The point of this is, I too learned that I needed to stop holding a grudge. It took a long time. I still work on it every day. The years I spent being angry, stuck with me. Those close to me, under my rain of terror sometimes still expect Evil Queen Sarah to surface. I needed to project onto the world who I really am and not my anger. I was allowing my emotional pain to control me.

Do I mess up sometimes? Yes!

I am still only human, but I can forgive much easier now. You can too.

“Holding on to anger is like holding on to an anchor and jumping into the sea. If you don’t let it go, you will drown." ~ Unknown

Do you want to be drowning in anger or swimming in a pool of happiness? I choose Happiness. When you hold onto anger, it begins to consume you. Slowly, that anger will try and smother out the light of good in your heart. You won’t be able to see all the good things that are happening in your life.

We have all heard the expression “Misery loves company” and man does it ever! Your anger is not only toxic to you but everyone around you.

It is a lot easier to point out the flaws in the world than the good. It is easier to hold on to anger than to let it go. Ask yourself what is causing you to be angry. Write it down and don’t leave anything off the list. Maybe a guy driving his car like a jerk on the high way, made you mad for a good three minutes. If so, still write it down. If it makes you sad write that down too. There is a fine line between sadness and anger. Sometimes when we are sad we become angry. No matter how small or large the pain, sadness or anger is, write it down.

Grudge

Noun

A persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a PAST insult or injury.

Verb

Be resentfully unwilling to give, grant or allow (something)

-Webster’s Dictionary

Now you know the definition of grudge. You can begin to understand it better. You can learn how to let things go. What you are holding on to is something that happened in the PAST. That feeling you have of resentment is only holding you back. You cannot live in the past. You cannot go back and change it. All you can do is learn from it. Untether yourself from it, so you can move forward. Holding a grudge makes YOU unwilling to allow new opportunities.

Look at your list and put a check mark next to all the things that are out of your control. Were you in control of that guy driving like a maniac? NO, so put a check mark next to that event, person or thing that is out of your control causing you pain. You must forgive what is out of your control. Accept that it is not in your control. Accept that it happened and let it go. You are in control of your reactions.

My list use to be as thick as a book. I had so much anger inside of me. I was holding on to everything. It made me a very bitter person with an extremely short fuse. It was so bad that the smallest of things would cause an explosion the size of the Atomic bomb. I was angry that I was sick and bullied. I was holding on to childhood events. I was envious of everyone around me. It was to the point were I would become angry at them. Sometimes I would be angry and not even know what was causing me to be angry in that moment. I was so angry I started to judge myself. I started to push those closest to me away. I was so consumed by the power of negativity and anger; I could only see the world in black and red.

My family and friends started to look at me as a bully. ME... a bully. I am not bully. All that did was make me even angrier. I started to think if a bully is what they see me as. Then a bully is what they were going to get.

Do you hear how wrong that is? Can you hear how hateful and disturbed I had become? What happened to me? I am not bully. I love my friends and family. I used to drop everything for them. I was a person that would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it. Who is this stranger looking at me in the mirror? Why was I so angry?

Why are you so angry? Do you recognize yourself?

I would take my anger and sadness out of others. Some of you might be taking it out on yourself. Either way, anger is toxic and you need to detox its poison.

If we are irritated by every rub, how will we be polished? ~Rumi

I am not sure the exact moment when I realized my grudge was no longer directed at one single thing; but instead had completely taken me over. I think it was sometime after I met my husband. He was the only person on the planet that saw through my darkness. He saw a small shimmer of light in my heart. As I told you, holding a grudge is my BIGGEST weakness. I am not perfect, but my husband reminds me of the light that is shining when I forget. Let me be your reminder.

There is always a light shining even when you are the bottom of the deepest hole.

Look up and start climbing towards the light at the top.

My anger, my pain, my grudge that all started long before I even knew what a grudge was. It has hurt more people in my life then I even realize. I was so broken inside; I didn't realize I had become the very thing I had been holding a grudge against. You can find you again. You can let go of this pain. It takes time but once you let go, you will begin to heal. Right now, you are just dealing. Show the world who you really are. Rule your kingdom with kindness and love.

Look at your list. What on your list did you contribute to? What on your list, did you cause pain onto others or yourself because of? What on your list can you learn from? What on your list do you need to remove from your life?

Forgiveness is strength. Forgive yourself for being sick. It is not your fault that you are sick. It is your fault, if you hate on yourself for it. Forgive that man for driving like a lunatic for all you know his wife could be in labor. Tell yourself, you won’t dwell on the hate anymore. If you sit here thinking to yourself negative thoughts, then you are only hurting yourself.

You need to find the positive in your negative situation. Once you do that then, you can let go. Holding on to hate only hurts you further. It is up to you! You can choose to allow the negativity to control you or to rise above it. If I believed the bully's or allowed my diagnosis to control me who knows where I would be today.

I had to realize, that while I was the one holding on to the pain, dwelling on the past; the person or thing causing my anger was winning. They where at home not giving me a second thought; while I was on self destruct mode. Your pain is real, don’t add to it with hate.

If you can find a positive in a negative, you can let go. Holding a grudge only hurts the beholder. Set yourself free and let go of your grudges!!! Shine Bright!

~Sarah E. Blair

I dedicate this blog post to my loving husband Ryan. For if it was not for you shining your light to guide me through the storm; I would be lost. You make me a better version of myself. Thank you for always being patient, kind supportive and loving.

I love you more than you will ever know.

Love always Me